What? I’m NOT Superwoman?

It’s been nearly three weeks since I started chemo.  I’m sad to report that while I was in the hospital, the doctors discovered something critical:  Apparently, I do not have a superwoman “S” on my chest like I always thought I did.  Surely this team of experts was wrong!  I come from a family of superwomen – collectively we are known as “the Reynolds women.”  We have an array of super powers, most of which must remain secret to the rest of the world (although I can tell you that leaping buildings in a single bound and X-ray vision are not among them).

Hopefully my “S” is still there and has just become invisible due to its apparent vulnerability to not just kryptonite, but also chemo cocktails.  Quite simply, chemo kicked my tookus.  I ended up having to stay an extra day in the hospital to help get some side effects under control, and it was at least a week before I started feeling like I could function again.  I never thought chemo would be easy; however, I felt my body, mind, and spirit were strong and I would get through it.  I was prepared for those side effects – or so I thought.  Fatigue and light-headedness quickly made me realize I was going to have to make some changes to my plans to resume teaching in the classroom – I simply didn’t have the strength to do it.  Nor was it a wise idea to expose my now-low tolerance to so many people.  A hallmark of the “Reynolds women” is their perseverance.  Not being able to do something is not part of my genetic makeup, and I don’t like it one bit.

It gets worse.  When I had my follow-up doctor’s appointment last week, I was told that the chemo had taken a toll on the core of my body.  Chemo reduces the number of white blood cells, which are important to stave off infection.  My count has fallen below the minimum to continue chemo next week.  Add to that, the “cold” I have been fighting for two weeks is actually pneumonia.  I had prepared myself for everything except that which I couldn’t control at all.  I have to wait for the antibiotics to treat the pneumonia, and I have to wait for my white blood cells to increase.  The ability to wait for something to happen because it’s out of my control is not one of my virtues.

I feel totally betrayed by my body.  I keep picturing the gigantic alien tripods in “War of the Worlds,” powerful beings immune to all the fighting power of the U.S. military only to fall susceptible to common germs.  Part of me feels like a failure to my clan, who is undaunted in the face of a challenge; other “Reynolds women” have successfully completed chemo.  Why did I have to have trouble out of the starting gate?

Accepting things out of my control and being patient – two big lessons for this superwoman to have to learn.  God must think I need them to further prepare me for this journey He has sent me on.  Who knows?  Maybe they will end up being the most powerful superwoman traits of all.

Share the strength.

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