OK, friends. I have a long overdue confession. It’s finally time for me to admit this. I have (anxious gulp) bad . . . days. Yes, it’s true. My mental attitude is not always sunshine and rainbows. Occasionally there are cloudy days, and I’ve had more than a few of them the last couple weeks as the symptoms of my cancer have decided to make themselves more noticed. I’ve observed a subtle change in my vocabulary as a result.
One thing I believe in strongly is the power of words. I believe what you put out to the universe, such as words, becomes a truth to you. Think about it – if we know the negative things we say to others can hurt them, why wouldn’t the negative things we say to ourselves hurt just as much? Although that hurt may be subconscious and we may not realize it, it’s still damaging.
Although I’m feeling fine, the cancer apparently is wreaking havoc inside. In the last couple weeks, my doctors have been using words that I perceive as negative, such as “serious” and “realistic.” I know my optimism sometimes gets in the way of me being realistic; however, I certainly understand the seriousness of my situation. I have found myself starting to focus more on these words and adopt the doctors’ negative terminology. This is not a good thing. I have quickly noticed that I also don’t smile as much and am whining more. I don’t believe these things are a coincidence. It’s like an abyss has opened, and I am aware that I could easily fall into it if I am not cautious.
The title of this post — “Well, Shut My Mouth” – is an old Southern saying I grew up with that is usually uttered in amazement in response to something. In my case, this time I’m saying these words literally – I really need to shut my mouth! This includes the words that don’t actually pass my lips. I must stop the intrusion of negative words entering my vocabulary. I have always relied on my positive spirit to lift up my physical body, when needed. I believe that, without the power of my optimism, my body does not get the positive infusion it needs – and that infusion seems to be the only thing working toward my wellness right now.
So, I’ve been focusing my efforts on getting back on track and have started to feel much better the past couple days. I sense the abyss will be closed soon. In the meantime, know that it’s OK to have cloudy days. Just be sure that sunshine is in the long-range forecast.
Share the strength.
Sharing the Strength 
Sunshine Superwomen! Tis you, and I can imagine you belting out Donavan’s version right now!
You are like Wonder Woman, cancer or no cancer. You’re just such a great human being. For me, this post just makes you a little more human. And you’re right, it is okay to have cloudy days. On my cloudy days, sometimes I think of you, and I am motivated to find the long range sunshine! Take good care, Ann.
Ann, I am not sure if I am replying to your word press message but I will try. I not very savvy with this new technology today. You and your family were in my “special prayer” at church today. Hard to read your words of such strength when we all are a bunch of whiners at times. No one is promised tomorrow and we should live it as it may be our last. As you say some days are cloudy and some are sunny. We have to feel Joy in each day the Lord gives us. This was the message I took with me from church today. Love and miss not being able to visit you.