It may not be evident from reading my posts, since they’re usually written about cancer, but I actually don’t think about my disease very much. I go about my daily routine without any thoughts about my health. There are those times, however, when I’m likely to think about it more. November is one of those times, for it marks the anniversary of when I found out I had cancer.
Those initial days three years ago come flooding back, and I once again relive the anxiety, the doctors’ visits, the tests, the biopsy, the diagnosis, the fear. I’ve written in previous posts that, although this is uncomfortable, self-reflection is necessary for each of us because it is important to remember where we’ve been in order to see how far we’ve come. This November, a new feeling is being added to the list – that of victory – and that is the real topic of this entry.
When I was first diagnosed, I told my doctors I didn’t want to hear statistics, like survival rates, and I decided that I wouldn’t ask any questions to which I really didn’t want to hear the answer. This wasn’t denial, mind you. I just didn’t want a self-fulfilling prophecy lurking in the deep corners of my mind. And then I asked a question.
When I was told I was terminal in March 2015, I asked how much time I had. I felt it was a practical question – knowing how much time I had to get my affairs in order. The answer was that the average length of survival for someone in my condition was 18-20 months. Right there and then, I put an expiration date on myself. Even though I didn’t think about it often, it was there, looming like the countdown clocks that read “32 days till Christmas.” Well, guess what? It’s 20 months later and I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere any time soon. In fact, I feel a sense of freedom, of achievement, of happiness by reaching this page on the calendar. I feel like I’ve beaten some odds. I’ve torn off that expiration label, and a new one will not take its place.
It’s made me ponder how often we must go through life listening to things people tell us (or even the things we say to ourselves) and then end up letting those things define who we are. I’m making a choice at this point to get rid of any “best by [insert date]” labels in my life, especially one that suggests how much time I may have on this Earth. Only the Great Physician knows that. I will no longer feel shackled by an approaching date on the calendar, even if those shackles are not always foremost in my thoughts. Perhaps November will be a time of self-reflection for you as well – a time for you to get rid of any labels you have and approach the holidays fetter-free.
As this Thanksgiving draws near, I give thanks for those of you who read and comment on this blog; my family and friends; my hands-on caregivers; and, the distant caregivers who give support through their thoughts, love, and prayers. I am so grateful for all my blessings. Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving – and one without labels.
Share the strength.
Sharing the Strength 
You are, without a doubt, a total inspiration. Your blogs are always filled with hope and inspiration. There is so much that we all face in life but much of what we face is something that has a solution that we can provide on our own. Although you choose not to think about something that only the Great Physician can control, I truly believe that you have everything to do with having passed the 18-month mark and you will keep beating that number. Why, because you are prioritizing and ultimately choosing life, not the alternative. This Thanksgiving is bittersweet for my family and me but I have a heavy heart right now. I will ponder your wise words and hope to wake up Thanksgiving morning, feeling grateful for family and friends and that includes you, dearest Ann. Love you.
My dearest Joni — Thank you so much for such kind words. I often say that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how your respond to them. Of course, that’s easier said than done. I’m so sorry to hear things are not well with you right now. I haven’t been on Facebook too much so I’m sorry if I’ve missed some news. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, and will be among those I lift up in gratefulness this Thanksgiving, Love, A.
Dear Annie,
Fetter-free, I love it! Thanks for the kick in the shin, eye opener. You sure have a way with words that always seem to resonate . A very blessed and Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Thank you, as always, for your kind comment, Kate. We all need to be free of any fetters! Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
[…] the last time I would see it. This year was different, however, probably because I had passed my “expiration date” and all was still well. I enjoyed every minute of time with family and friends, and as the clock […]