One year ago today, I had an MRI that would forever change my life, and on this Veteran’s Day, I find myself being a veteran of sorts, certainly not to the extent of our military who sacrifice so much, but rather the survivor of a personal battle. I really don’t think too much about my cancer anymore; however, my thoughts have been preoccupied with it lately. The emotions of those first days have come hurtling back and I can feel them like it was yesterday.
I remember sitting in shock while my doctor gave me the MRI results, which included phrases such as “suspicious mass” and “soft tissue sarcoma.” I eventually was able to form two questions: Would I lose my leg, and would I die? She looked at me and her silence spoke volumes; I knew the situation wasn’t good, so we just prayed. In the next two weeks, I moved like a zombie as I attended numerous doctor appointments, underwent medical test after test, and spent a lot of time on the New York State Thruway. The first few days and weeks of receiving a life-threatening diagnosis are filled with great turmoil and I learned what I believe are several important lessons for those who find themselves in a similar situation (so pardon the lengthy post):
You are your only advocate. I saved my life. Yes, of course, my wonderful medical team gets 99% of the credit; however, I was the one who got the ball rolling. When my primary physician felt the swelling in my leg was nothing to worry about and we could just monitor it for a month, I refused to wait and was insistent on getting an MRI right away. It still took 10 days to get it approved and scheduled, but, when it finally happened, that’s what revealed my tumor. I was also insistent, at the urging of my sister, on seeing the specialists at Roswell Park Cancer Institute sooner rather than later. All in all, I think my pushiness saved about seven weeks of time. As advanced as my cancer was, I strongly believe that time made a difference and saved my life.
Don’t make hasty decisions. When you hear you probably have cancer, all you want is to have that awful mass out of your body as soon as possible. This isn’t always the right move, however. Yes, time is of the essence, as I mentioned above; however, get the facts before making any quick decisions. When I was diagnosed, I was desperate to get a biopsy right away so I would know what I was dealing with. My primary physician offered to connect me with a general surgeon who could do one the next day, before my meeting with the specialists at Roswell. Because I had taken the time to gather some facts, I knew that the biopsy needed to be done by someone experienced in soft tissue sarcoma or I would risk having the cancer quickly spread through my body. As hard as it was to wait, I knew it was the right thing to do. In the subsequent months, I heard a lot of horror stories of people with my type of cancer who made hasty moves. Roswell’s new ad campaign, “Just One Day,” captures this perfectly.
Try not to jump to conclusions. I realize that this is easier said than done. When you’re told you might have cancer, the worst scenarios possible start filling every corner of your brain. A year later, I can happily say that none of them came to fruition: I didn’t lose my leg, I was able to continue working, I didn’t lose my home because I couldn’t pay bills, I was able to see my grandson turn 2 years old.
I have also learned some important lessons about life in the past year:
Treasure each day. That’s all any of us really have, cancer or not. As I talked about in an early post, if we are spending too much time regretting the past or worrying about the future, we are missing the beautiful “now” moments that are weaving the tapestry of today.
I’m not Superwoman. I had to learn acceptance and patience when I found there were some obstacles my body just wouldn’t let me overcome no matter how persistent and eager I was. Those are two characteristics with which I had to get acquainted and it was a difficult meeting.
You most likely underestimate the impact you have on the world. I will never forget the outpouring of love and support I received from people far and near when word of my diagnosis spread. Not a day went by that I didn’t receive a card in the mail, a supportive phone call, or a nice email. When my students put together a notebook of individual letters telling me how I had inspired them, I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I was awestruck – I still am. I have come face-to-face with the knowledge that what each of us does on a daily basis affects others more than we realize. That’s a powerful gift and one of which we should be mindful.
What God leads us to, God leads us through. I can’t take credit for that saying and, unfortunately, don’t remember where I read it. I certainly don’t consider getting cancer a blessing; however, I do believe the life lessons I learned in the past year have been a blessing. My cancer was not God’s fault. As long as I had to face it, however, I strongly believe that He set forth a plan for me and led me to certain stops along this journey, such as starting this blog, and gave me the strength to get through. I have come out on the other side a better person for it.
“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold” — 1 Peter 1:7
Share the strength.
Sharing the Strength 