My, what a difference a day makes. I started composing this post three days ago as I was driving to work. It was raining, yet the sun was out, so I started looking for rainbows. I’ve been seeing them a lot lately, or, at least, the conditions that produce them.
It started a couple weeks ago. I was leaving the hospital after being rejected for chemo because my bone marrow was in bad shape, having not recovered from the previous treatment. I was disappointed, to say the least — another two weeks of not actively fighting the cancer. Then I saw the biggest rainbow I had ever seen. I don’t recall ever seeing a full arch rainbow ever in my life – this one, however, could not be missed. It seemed like it covered the entire sky, stretching miles from end to end. I pulled over to take a picture, but it was so big that I couldn’t get the entire arch in the frame. In addition to its size, there was the beginning of a second rainbow right beside it. It would have to remain, as one of my friends says, in the photo album in my mind.
Since then, there have been an unusually high number of days where the sun has been out while it was raining. Some of the resulting rainbows I could see, others I couldn’t, usually because I was driving. I suppose that’s what faith is like – knowing that something is out there, but not being able to see it.
As I was driving through the “sunny rain” two days ago, it occurred to me that maybe the rainbows had been another hummingbird experience. After all, in the Bible, the rainbow represents God’s promise. I reveled in the idea that God was sending me promises.
That was supposed to be the end of my post. Then the next day came.
I went to the hospital to start another 24-hour round of chemo (the one that had been postponed two weeks earlier), only to be rejected again. My bone marrow still hadn’t recovered, so still no cancer treatment for me. I just heard bits and pieces of the conversation that followed; I couldn’t find any silver lining to what was being said and my usual optimism started to dwindle.
I left feeling like I was playing “Whack-a-Mole” and I was the mole. I’m sure you remember this arcade game, which was especially popular at county fairs. You try to hit moles that pop up at random with a mallet to push them back into their holes. I thought, “How much disappointment, setbacks, and bad news am I supposed to take? How many times am I going to be hit with the mallet and pushed back into my hole?” — an especially frustrating thought when I’ve tried to be so optimistic and faith-focused during this battle. I went home and had quite the pity party.
So what’s a girl to do next? I woke up yesterday to a new day, put my big girl pants on, and started looking for rainbows. I have yet to see one, but, then again, the last two days have been sunny, which is a good thing. I know the rainbows will be back, though. After all, as Michael Krauszer stated in one of his blog posts, “It [a rainbow] can provide us with comfort, knowing that even after a terrible storm, God can and will be with us.”
Share the strength.
Sharing the Strength 
Leave a comment